I am about to hit my 9-month milestone in sex addiction recovery. My wife is currently at a weekend workshop for betrayed partners, and I am being a single working parent. As I continue to rush through life, it really struck me that this is my new lifestyle that will end only when I'm six feet underground. Wow.
Recovery from sex addiction is a lot of work. I'll estimate that each week, I average 4 meetings, 1 therapy session, 18 phone calls, 84 pages of reading, 14 pages of workbook material, and 5 podcast episodes. That's about 20 hours a week--that's a part-time job! There are only 2 things I do for more than 20 hours a week: my full-time job, and sleeping.
What really stood out to me is that this part-time job of sex addiction recovery doesn't have an ending date, finish line, or completion like so many other things in my life. I'll keep working, until I retire. I'll keep studying and doing homework, until I complete the certification. I'll keep raking leaves, until it snows. I'll keep coaching youth sports, until my kids age out of the league. I'll keep getting weekly haircuts, until my military service ends. But there is no "until" with my recovery--it is simply my new permanent lifestyle. If I do stop recovery, then I am essentially choosing to fall back into the addiction that brought so much shame and destruction into my life and my family.
I thank God each morning for the gifts that sex addiction recovery has brought into my life: inspiring passages, close friendships, authenticity with other people, self-respect, freedom from compulsive sexual behavior. The psalmist asks God to "Create in me a clean heart", and this really is at the core of my recovery.
Do I get so busy with life that recovery frustrates me? Yes. Am I sometimes tempted to skip a meeting, or skimp out on my daily reading? Absolutely. But I keep coming back. Because, as I have to remind myself: it works if you work it, and it sucks if you don't!